He did not get consent! by anonymous.
What do you tell a young woman who was manipulated into sex and forced to do things they didn’t want to when their brain froze?
Often, the conversation about consent is rarely held, as this brings about the issues of sex and sexuality which is culturally and socially perceived as a NO go zone.
“That was good”, he said. “But next time be cooperative” he added as he closed my room door behind him.
He muffled the words as if they were meant to soothe me. My emotions were on an outrageous roller coaster, like fireworks in the middle of my mind. I didn’t have a name for what just transpired. I didn’t want to see him.
He was a friend of my girlfriend and yes, I knew him. My girlfriend would come to my room with him and we’d drink coffee and play cards. How could I have known that he was preying on me? How do you detect a rapist? Probably science or the universe would teach us this someday.
How could I tell my friends? Will they believe me? He was their best friend who often bought snacks for them. How will my friends see me? I couldn’t report that, the police believed campus ladies were mischievous women who always want sex for money. I couldn’t bear the shame, anger and guilt I had. So, I remained silent about it.
How could I have told my family that I was raped, when my own father called me a sex worker simply because I talked to a boy-my neighbour? There was no safe space for me to talk about anything about myself, except my academic performance in school.
The anger developed into a strong rage for all men and any man-like persons. I struggled to make new friendships or have a social life. Feelings of not wanting to live often crossed my mind.
Days went by, I felt like I was seeing myself as an outsider/stranger. I watched myself smile, laugh, and have fun, but I didn’t feel any of it. When I looked in the mirror I didn’t know the face that stared back at me. I was alive but dead inside…
To be raped is one the most horrifying experiences anyone would go through, especially for an already confused village girl who just joined a well-renowned campus far from her village home. A young woman trying her way out of the poor living conditions she was brought up in.
But wait, how did this happen when I was able to escape an attempted rape when much younger? Why was I unable to run, the same way I did before? Have never gotten answers to these questions that often torment my emotions.
After the incident, my brain shut down. I felt numb, I felt like a shell. All my feelings – the hurt, shame, anger, guilt, sadness, and confusion were all locked away for a long time.
About a decade later, I came to understand that sexual abuse is more about power than it is about sex, and that it’s sexual assault whenever words and actions of a sexual nature are imposed against another person’s will. The perpetrator may use force, threats, manipulation or sweet talk and flattery or a combination.
Understanding the concept of consent and power dynamics is empowering. Our agency as women lies in our ability to make informed autonomous choices in whatever aspect of our public or private lives.
#WeShallNotBeSilenced